We've all seen the headlines while waiting in the checkout line. "Hair Advice You'd Be Crazy to Ignore" jumps out at you. Or the "7 Best Hair Tricks of All Time" or "Big Bang Theory: The Magic of Bangs" grace another magazine cover. Perhaps "How to Get Sexy Hair On Lazy Mornings" might have caught your eye.
And there's no disgrace to admit that on a particularly bad hair day you might have even thumbed through the glossy pages to get to the "11 Simple Ways To Beat Frizz, Plump up Limp Locks Or Tame Unruly Curls". Because it's only natural to want to look our best. And if there's a trick, tip or tool we can buy to easily get there so much the better. Even if you do discover it because of an article in a magazine.
Problem is when we over react to those bad hair days, now that's when we get into trouble.
Like the time you went for the second perm too soon to fix the damage inflicted by the first one. That smooth hair care move left you with hair that would make a hedgehog in heat proud. Your tresses were so dry and frizzy you just didn't know where to turn to tame them. And yet those magazine cover headlines like "The Ultimate Guide To Ravishing Hair" beckoned. Like there was some clue to be found on the inside pages that would solve THIS problem.
At panicked moments like this "What Celebrities Know About Hair Care That You Don't" matters not. I mean who can be seen out in public with hair a porcupine would be embarrassed by? It's at moments like that that we may make an ill-advised mayday call to our stylist. Tearfully begging for an appointment - like yesterday, to see if she can't cure what ails your locks.
And we silently rejoice inside when we hear the words we were hoping to hear, "Sure come in and let's see what we can do to help." Ah, blessed salvation from savaged hair is but hours away. Forgetting that she hasn't yet seen what's passing for hair on your head. Focusing instead on the hope of relief from your mane misery.
Sadly at this point you should have been asked if you wanted a blindfold or last cigarette. Since facing a firing squad might be a more appealing proposition to what was in store for you beauty wise. But in the heat of the moment, you grant permission for whatever it takes, even if whatever it takes means removing huge swaths of damaged strands.
And when you see the final product, you immediately think you've seen victims of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre that looked better. As apparently any dream of walking out of the salon sporting a sexy if shortish cut would have to wait for three inches of hair to grow to flesh out the look. Yes, it's that bad.
So while a random magazine cover may tout the "5 Hairstyles That Will Never Go Out Of Style", you are certain what you've got didn't make that list. As you'd hope the hair you're saddled with couldn't possibly have ever been in style. Unless it was in vogue by those sturdy pioneer women crossing the Oregon Trail or something. Who had more to worry about besides their hair. And had to survive without access to any sort of hotline for tormented tresses.
So the next time you see a magazine cover that teases with "How to Effortlessly Color Your Hair at Home", nod knowingly but secure in the knowledge you don't have the luxury of effortless color. Otherwise you might open yourself up to all knowing questions like...
"Is that your camping haircut?"
"Did you get that styled at the beauty college?"
"What happened? Was that haircut on sale?"
"Did you jump start your hair in the dark with jumper cables?"
"Don't worry, Dear. It will grow out. Eventually."
Certainly not words any woman longs to hear. And for sure you can bet they'll never grace the cover of the latest fashion magazine.
No comments:
Post a Comment